My Fantasy Funeral
by Lozzy98
Summary: What would happen at my fantasy funeral. Warning Contains: Justin Bieber abuse, Lady GaGa, Spider Man, The Flock, Twilight Vamps, Werewolves and so much more. Totally random. Co-written with Welsh Gem.


**Hello, this is just a random fic about what I would like my dream funeral would be like and who would go.**

**The inspiration I had for this story was boredom in English class and some great ideas from my friends.**

**This is going to feature character from books and stuff I do not own anything in this fic except for the plot of course.**

**It'll have the Maximum Ride characters, twilight characters, Percy Jackson characters, Star Wars characters and IGGY!**

**And some more.**

**This chapter was co-written by WelshGem. And has also been edited.**

**So enjoy.**

**Melissa POV**

Today is the day of my best friend's funeral. She died a hard brutal death, death by Bieber.

The worst death possible.

I remember one of her last wishes was for me to conduct her funeral service along with her other friends Josh (who practically begged to attend) and Charlotte, a very good friend with a very good taste in books, and here we are, now getting ready to greet whatever guests may turn up at this funeral.

She gave me mental invites for all these people from books and a few from her imagination, she had a really wild and vivid imagination.

Ah the first guests have arrived.

A shiny, silver Volvo pulled up at the front of the huge church we had rented for this event.

Edward, Bella and the rest of the Cullen's all stepped out of the crappy car.

Arggh! She had to invite the Twilight characters, didn't she? She knew I hated them, that's probably why she did it. Stupid Bitch (but I love her so much!).

They all walked up to me, Josh and Charlotte.

They all had pained expressions on their sad, little faces.

"Hello" Edward said politely, with a tragic expression.

I pulled out my bazooka and aimed it at him, I was in no mood to deal with him.

"Just get inside" I snarled.

They all nodded and scurried in with scared expressions on their sad little faces.

We waited and then came the next guests, the flock from the Maximum Ride series.

Now these people I actually do like. Especially Fang.

Fang is yummy.

Fang is fangalicous.

You cannot get better than that.

They landed magnificently, just like the awesome characters they are.

"Like OMG, we're going to a funeral of someone we don't even know. Or would it be didn't because you know she's dead. I would hate to be dead I don't wanna die, I wanna die when I'm like I dunno one hundred? Yeah, maybe a little less but I still wanna die of natural causes-" Nudge was stopped half way through her rant by Gazzy slapping a hand over her mouth.

"Thank you guys for coming. She loved you all" I said as I waggled my tongue to Fang, who just frowned and looked at me with wide eyes. _Beautiful,_wide eyes.

"Especially you" I whispered to Iggy as he walked by. "She loved you so much she asked me to draw porn pictures of you. Don't worry; I only did from the waist up." She was quite weird my friend. She'd rather Iggy over _Fang!_

I caught sight of Dylan then I stepped in front of it and held up my Bazooka. "Get the hell out of here, you Fax killer." I sneered while poking it in the chest with the nozzle of my awesome gun.

The retarded chicken shook its head. "I want to be with Max!" He wailed. I pulled the trigger of my bazooka and the twit dropped dead.

The Flock whooped and entered the church with large smiles on their faces.

Eventually, the church was full after a few hours of standing around like lemons and greeting every random people who had come to attend my best friends funeral. Here is a list of people who have come:

The Flock: Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, The Gasman, Angel and Total.

Twilight people: Bella, Edward and the rest of the Cullens. Jacob Black turned up late, the swine.

Percy Jackson people: Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Grover Underwood and all the Gods and Goddesses. I had to shoot Rachel Dare from entering.

From StarWars: Yoda, Chewbacca and a Storm Trooper.

Lady GaGa: The bisexual singer with the meat dress.

The Guru Pitka: I have no idea who that is.

Spiderman: He got bit by a spider which messed up his DNA.

Phil the hot dog guy: Don't even ask…

And Justin Bieber.

Wait…Justin Bieber?

I will deal with that _thing_ later.

Now it was time to do it.

Me Josh and Charlotte all put on our shades and Matrix style jackets then loaded them with guns and we walked into the church.

"OMG! It's the Black eyed peas!" someone shouted (probably Nudge).

"No." We said in unison as we reached the raised platform. "We are Laurens friends."

We said as we spun around and ripped off our sunglasses dramatically and raised our heads fashionably.

Organ music: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

We all turned to look at Spider man who was standing innocently next to the organ. He just shrugged and walked off to the back of the church.

Me, Josh and Charlotte turned around and stepped up to Lauren's open casket. Looking at her dead body brought tears to my eyes.

She was lying there so still. Her eyes were wide open and terrified. Her hands with her deformed fingers were slapped over her ears, trying to drown out the sound of Justin Bieber.

Her mouth was open and curved into an 'o' shape as she screamed in horror.

I couldn't take looking at her eyes. As tears spring from my eyes, I leaned over and closed her eyes. I started to sob and my words got caught in my throat. I managed to coke them out though.

"You killed her." I said quietly. I spun around, tears streaming from my eyes and faced the audience. I pointed to the sad, stupid, arrogant, yet-to-be-hit-by-puberty sixteen year old girl with eyebrows like squashed caterpillars.

Justin Bieber.

"YOU FUCKING KILLED HER!" I screamed. He visibly gulped and took a deep breath.

"_I'm so sorry; for the pain I caused you."_The twat sang.

"Shut up!" I yelled. I turned to Josh and held a two litre bottle filled with water. "Josh, my scary, psycho friend. Will you do the honours?" I asked.

Josh's eyes welled up with tears and he nodded and took the bottle. He aimed at Justin Bieber. "This is for Lauren, bitch." And he threw the bottle at the sad kid.

It hit Justin Bieber in the eye and the idiot started crying like two year-old. "That hurt!" he wailed and he ran out of the room while crying "Mommy!"

**Hope you liked it :D The next chapter will be of the actual ceremony.**

**I gotta say thanks for Melissa (WelshGem) Josh and Charlotte for the ideas for this story.**

**Review? Please? :D**


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